My Weekly Opinions
By: Kenneth F. Joe Sr.
October 7, 2010
Subject: Child Sex Abuse & The Black Community
There are so many things that still hurt Black People, that can be directly attributed to the history of "Slavery and Segregation" in our country. I know I am about to talk about a subject that many folks would rather we not discuss. It is painful and it creates an immediate reaction for some, that we are "airing" our "dirty laundry". Well, This is the same thinking and actions that helps Sexual Abuse to prosper in our society. Let me attempt to give my "opinionated assessment" of Sexual Abuse in the Black Community.
During Slavery & Segregation, it was necessary for Black People to attempt to "protect" each other at all cost. We got good at keeping "secrets" from the Slave Master and the White Community at large. It was necessary to lie and conceal information, for your life and the life of others could depend on how well you could lie to White People. This behavior was necessary in order to stay safe. Now, this is not a history lesson so I will not stay on this point. However, it is necessary to know this fact in order to know why we react the way we do when a Black Leader (particularly a Black Man) is seemingly, under attack. The "protective" reaction is at it's highest, when it seems the Black Church is being attacked. It is important to know, that during "Slavery & Segregation" our only true support and advocacy was birthed in the Black Church. All Black Civil Rights organizations gained their strength through partnerships with the Black Churches. In other words, in order to really reach the people you had to go through the most respected persons in the community. Of course, that was the Black Ministers/Clergy. Today, not much has changed in the Black Community concerning how we elevate our Black clergy.
Sexual Abuse prospers in the Black Community through our teaching to not be a "SNITCH". Now when you take a subject like Sexual Abuse that we don't like talking about in society and mix it with an allegation made against a Black Church Leader, what you have is a "disconnect between the facts and our distrust of what we believe is the White Community...the MEDIA"! When we use as an example the O.J. Simpson murder case, we see a position in the Black community that "if you can't prove it, than he didn't do it". Many of us felt that if he did do it and got away with it, "than that does not come close to making up for all the innocent Black People that was killed during Slavery & Segregation". I am a Black Man in America. I understand. Just because we have a Black President, doesn't mean "racism" has disappeared. I understand these feelings that exist in the Black community. However, I must draw the line and scream LOUDLY, when we began to allow "unhealed wounds" to put our Children "at risk of sexual predators". We must stop it now. Please! For the sake of our children.
Now, let's examine the Bishop Eddie Long Issue:
Clergy Sexual Abuse has no color or specific religion. It is always shocking and always the same "old" story. A powerful man, who is anointed by God, helped so many, done so much, saved so many.................And YES he is a sexual predator. The Faith Community is shocked and don't want to believe the "signs" which are clear. Let's examine the allegations:
Bishop Long "did or did not" buy expensive gifts for these teenagers/men
Bishop Long "did or did not" fly these teenagers/men around the world
Bishop Long "did or did not" stay in the same room with these teenagers/men when they traveled
Bishop Long "did or did not" provide houses and cars free to these teenagers/men
Bishop Long "did or did not" send pictures of himself in tight fitting clothes, taken by him, in a bathroom to these teenagers/men
Of the five items listed which ones would you be ok with him doing for or with your own children? None for my child please. I'm not sure if it is because I have worked in Child Welfare for 20 years or it's because I am a survivor of childhood Clergy sexual abuse, but I know there are always signs. I know that I am suspicious of any adult spending "alone" time with any child other than their own. I know to ask questions about this behavior when I see it. I know my help of kids does not include a desire to send them pictures of me or buy them expensive presents. I can't see God in that behavior. I see a possible sexual predator.
Now let's get something clear. It is not possible that NO ONE in the Church knew about this behavior. It is possible that many of the congregation believed what they wanted to believe instead of what they knew they saw. I agree that clergy should be respected. I agree that clergy can help us grow closer to Christ. I also agree that clergy are humans and sin like all men and women. For this reason, I supervise their interactions with children just like I would with any other adult. Children depend on adults to protect them. I will not be traveling with anyones children alone and no adult will be traveling with my child or any other child alone if it is not their child, without me asking questions. We must learn not to give clergy trust that we wouldn't give any other adult with children. Again, we all sin. No man or woman is God, so we all struggle with sin. This is true no matter how many thousands or millions of people believe in your message. Let's stop acting as if we don't know that or that it is only true if you are not clergy.
As I mention in my book, From Abused to Protector: “Claiming Your Life After Your Church Sexually Abuses You” A Story of Hope, Forgiveness and Triumph, there are ten things that all adults can do to prevent sexual abuse.
1. Parents need to be watchful of all children as if they were their own.
2. Parents should know the parents and other family members of their children’s friends before allowing them to play unsupervised or spend a night at the friend’s house.
3. All parents should be involved in the PTA at school.
4. We must demand that Child Welfare programs be fully funded so that case loads are manageable.
5. Our Child Welfare system should be preventive rather than reactive. We shouldn’t be working with a foster care system that doesn’t graduate children and bounces them around to strangers instead of family members.
6. Churches need to require background checks for all personnel.
7. There should be a strict curfew for all children.
8. We must demand that all Child Welfare professionals be competent – especially the leaders!
9. We have to make sure that those engaged in social work have their heart in the right place. Just having the right degrees is never enough. These are jobs that require passion and commitment. There is no room for complacency.
10. Realize that, regardless of how much money we might spend, ultimately it is not up to the government to fix this problem. Communities must live up to their own responsibilities right in their own neighborhoods, schools, churches and homes. Sexual and physical abusers are no match for dogged vigilance. They can and must be stopped!
By: Kenneth F. Joe Sr.
October 2, 2010
Subject: Accountability/Bishop Eddie Long
When
did the allegations of sexual abuse against Bishop Eddie Long become an
issue "primarily" for the courts to handle? As a Clergy Person who is
entrusted with preaching interpretation of our Lord and Savior Jesus
Christ; I am less concerned about what can be proven as a criminal or
civil case and more concerned about how the Bishop's actions have shaken
the faith of others through his at best "inappropriate behavior" and at
worst "criminal behavior". We must ask ourselves as Christians and to
show children we as adults will not take such allegations lightly, the
following questions:
- Why must the "People" demand more answers from the Bishop?
- Why
must other Clergy appeal to Bishop Eddie Long to step down, at least
until the courts or "he" answer the questions that need to be answered?
- Why
must the "Community of All Christian People" do more to ensure children
are safe at church instead of "releasing ourselves of our supervision
responsibilities as adults" just because they are at Church or with
Clergy?
1. Why must the "People" demand more answers from the Bishop?
The
Bishop saying "I am not a perfect man" is an unacceptable response to
these allegations. The Bishop saying "I am not the person that they
describe" is an unacceptable response. What should we demand to hear the
Bishop say: "I have never had any sexual contact or relations with any
of my "Spiritual Sons". Also since the Bishop has made a living on his
strong views against homosexual behavior, we must also demand that he
simply say, "I have not had any sexual contact or relations with any
man, ever". As a MAN, I simply cannot understand why the Bishop would
not simply say these things? As a father, I cannot understand why the
Bishop would not deny these things? As a professional in Child Welfare
for 20 years, I cannot understand why the Bishop would not deny these
things? As a survivor of Clergy Sexual Abuse, I cannot understand why
the Bishop would not Deny these things? As a Christian...............I
need the Bishop to deny these things.
2. Why must other
Clergy appeal to Bishop Eddie Long to step down, at least until the
courts or "he" answer the questions that need to be answered?
As a
Christian I expect Christian Clergy to practice what they preach. I
expect them to tell the truth when it is not popular. I expect for them
not to be the "Christian Leaders" that saw slavery in this country and
did nothing. I don't expect them to be the "Christian Leaders" to find
an interpretation in the Bible that somehow justifies "cruel acts or
behavior towards others". I don't expect them to be like a "Gang" and
mobilize to pray/protect "one of their own" because the person is
powerful and influential. I expect them to be true to the practices of
Jesus and challenge the "High Priest" to practice what they preach and
to be examples of humility and sacrifice. I expect them to be the
"Christian Leaders" that first attempt to pray with the hurting "flock"
(Spiritual Sons) and not feel the need to make a public display of
praying for and with the powerful "high priest" (Bishop Long). Lastly,
like it or not all Christian religions derive from Catholicism. Most
Christian religions were formed to be an improvement from the
"systematic practices" of the Catholic Church. Well, it seems that how
Bishop Long and other Christian Leaders are responding, is a "carbon
copy" of the hurtful, denying, disregarding, cover-up mentality that we
have seen with the Catholic Church. I can't close this point without
mentioning the "pink elephant" in the room. It seems as though we are
giving Bishop Long a "pass" because this is a Christian "Black Church"
issue. As a Christian (Catholic), parent, Child Welfare professional, a
survivor of Clergy Sexual Abuse and a Black Man; I couldn't care less
if Bishop Long is Black, White, Yellow or Brown. This behavior is a
direct threat to our children. It is also a threat to our Christian
Faith Community regardless what denomination you are.
3. Why
must the "Community of All Christian People" do more to ensure children
are safe at Church instead of "releasing ourselves of our supervision
responsibilities as adults" just because they are at Church or with
Clergy?
We must address this issue of Sexual Abuse in our
"Christian Faith Community" boldly and with deliberate resolve to ensure
that all children being "raised" in the Christian faith are free from
predators no matter if they are Clergy, youth ministers, friends , etc.
We must remember: Matthew 18:10 “See that you do not despise one of
these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see
the face of my Father who is in heaven". If we do not fix this
"Sickness" that we have allowed to go unchecked in Religion, we will
lose children who are currently being raised/taught in our Christian
Communities. As adults we can rationalize almost anything, right or
wrong. As children, we only remember the hurt and inaction of adults.
Sexual Abuse prospers because it is meant to be a "secret" between the
abuser and the victim. The "shame" the victim feels helps keep it in
the dark. The "inability of adults to pay attention to the signs" of
sexual abuse, helps keep it in the dark. Sexual abuse in the Church and
in society can be prevented with responsible adults taking a stand to
ask the questions that we should ask of "all" adults who seem to be
attaching themselves to our children. We must trust adults to better
the lives of children through their interactions and interventions with
children. We must however, ask questions of adults and always ensure
the safety of children first. You don't need to buy presents, take kids
on trips or send them pictures of you in order to help them succeed or
build their self esteem.
Let's pray for the young men who are
hurting because of sharing their perspective on their relationship with
Bishop Long. Trust me, this is no way to get fame or money. In my
opinion it is insensitive and un-Christian like to be so dismissive of
someone's pain. Think of your own children or children you love, then
pray for these young men as you would if they were your own.
Amen.
By: Kenneth F. Joe Sr.September 24, 2010
Subject: Grooming is Grooming/Bishop Eddie Long
Clergy
Sexual Abuse has no color or specific religion. It is always shocking
and always the same "old" story. A powerful man, who is anointed by
God, helped so many, done so much, saved so many.................And YES
he is a sexual predator. The Faith Community is shocked and don't want
to believe the "signs" which are clear. Let's examine the allegations:
- Bishop Long "did or did not" by expensive gifts for these teenagers/men
- Bishop Long "did or did not" fly these teenagers/men around the world
- Bishop Long "did or did not" stay in the same room with these teenagers/men when they traveled
- Bishop Long "did or did not" provide houses and cars free to these teenagers/men
- Bishop
Long "did or did not" send pictures of himself in tight fitting
clothes, taken by him, in a bathroom to these teenagers/men
Of
the five items listed which ones would you be ok with him doing for or
with your own children? None for my child please. I'm not sure if it
is because I have worked in Child Welfare for 20 years or it's because I
am a survivor of childhood Clergy sexual abuse, but I know there are
always signs. I know that I am suspicious of any adult spending "alone"
time with any child other than their own. I know to ask questions
about this behavior when I see it. I know my help of kids does not
include a desire to send them pictures of me or buy them expensive
presents. I can't see God in that behavior. I see a possible sexual
predator.
Now let's get something clear. It is not possible
that NO ONE in the Church knew about this behavior. It is possible that
many of the congregation believed what they wanted to believe instead
of what they knew they saw. I agree that clergy should be respected. I
agree that clergy can help us grow closer to Christ. I also agree that
clergy are humans and sin like all men and women. For this reason, I
supervise their interactions with children just like I would with any
other adult. Children depend on adults to protect them. I will not be
traveling with anyones children alone and no adult will be traveling
with my child or any other child alone if it is not their child, without
me asking questions. We must learn not to give clergy trust that we
wouldn't give any other adult with children. Again, we all sin. No man
or woman is God, so we all struggle with sin. This is true no matter
how many thousands or millions of people believe in your message. Let's
stop acting as if we don't know that or that it is only true if you are
not clergy.
As I mention in my book, From Abused to Protector:
“Claiming Your Life After Your Church Sexually Abuses You” A Story of
Hope, Forgiveness and Triumph, there are ten things that all adults can
do to prevent sexual abuse.
1. Parents need to be watchful of all children as if they were their own.
2.
Parents should know the parents and other family members of their
children’s friends before allowing them to play unsupervised or spend a
night at the friend’s house.
3. All parents should be involved in the PTA at school.
4. We must demand that Child Welfare programs be fully funded so that case loads are manageable.
5.
Our Child Welfare system should be preventive rather than reactive. We
shouldn’t be working with a foster care system that doesn’t graduate
children and bounces them around to strangers instead of family members.
6. Churches need to require background checks for all personnel.
7. There should be a strict curfew for all children.
8. We must demand that all Child Welfare professionals be competent – especially the leaders!
9.
We have to make sure that those engaged in social work have their heart
in the right place. Just having the right degrees is never enough.
These are jobs that require passion and commitment. There is no room
for complacency.
10. Realize that, regardless of how much money we
might spend, ultimately it is not up to the government to fix this
problem. Communities must live up to their own responsibilities right
in their own neighborhoods, schools, churches and homes. Sexual and
physical abusers are no match for dogged vigilance. They can and must
be stopped!
By Kenneth F. Joe Sr.
Subject: Every Child Needs A Hero
Every child needs a hero. Every leader in Child Welfare is challenged to ensure that every child has a hero. A
hero to a child means that they have a champion, that they have someone
who is invested in making sure that the things that are important to
the child occur.
If
a child has an opportunity to be reunited with their family, their
champion will do the work or ensure that the work is done so that it can
happen. Ensuring that the child has visits with their
parents, not if it’s convenient, not if it can be arranged but, to
ensure that the visit takes place, to ensure that the bond is
maintained.
A champion can ensure that. A champion can be a case worker; a champion can be a supervisor. But
the person, who can make sure that every child has a champion, is
leadership from the executive director to the board president. Leadership can ensure that children have champions.
A
child being successful in school has everything to do with the support
and nurturing that the child feels, sees and believes in. If we are serious about children and their education we must make sure that when a child is in care, that on report card day. We are there like any other parent to pick up their report card. Preferably,
if the parent is involved in the child’s life in any way, we should
facilitate a trip to the school with the parent to talk to the teacher
to pick up the report card. It’s important. Think of how a child would feel. If they saw their parent, even though they may have been in care for a while, even though the parent may have some issues that they still need to work on but the parent is there with the case worker to pick up the report card. If we have to make sure that the parent is reminded, making sure that the parent is presentable. Whatever we have to do, we should be that champion, to give that child that image. There is no manual; there is no book that says that these things should happen, or how to do them. It
comes from an expectation of excellence, that is taken seriously by
leadership and nurtured throughout the organization so that it is felt
by the children and families.
I
challenge all leaders, will you be the champion. Will you ensure that
every child has a champion, will you ensure that every child can believe
in someone. Will you extend yourself to ensure that the feeling of a
champion of someone who when the child goes to sleep believes that that
person is thinking about them in someway. Will you ensure that every child in your agency has a champion? How do you ensure this, you talk about these things, its important that leaders talk to their staff, not through a memo, but through actual voice. Preferably through video or a staff meeting. I challenge you. Be a champion. Ensure that a child has a champion. This is my message to you for our children and our families.
Blessings to you and your families.